It is time for the Festivus Airing of Grievances!!! I’ve got a lot of problems with you people, and now, you’re going to hear about it!!!!!
First, Red Light Runners. There cannot be an intersection in Appleton that has as many people ignoring stoplights as there are at the intersection of College Avenue and Radio Road. One summer day, I pulled out after the light turned green and turned left onto eastbound College Avenue when suddenly, there was a motorcycle right at the front right corner of my Jeep. I slammed on the brakes and he swerved to narrowly avoid a collision.
The biker then stopped in the middle of the left lane, got off his motorcycle, came back to my Jeep and started pounding on the drivers side window. Fortunately, the vehicles that had been behind him slowed down next to us–with the drivers yelling out of their window that the “expletive” had run a red light. After returning to his bike–and revving the engine for at least a minute–he finally took off.
That is just one example of a nearly-daily red light running that I see at that intersection. A couple of weeks ago, a woman in an SUV ran the red light heading west on College just as I was pulling out for the green light. Fortunately, I saw her coming, slammed on the brakes, and blew my horn. She proceeded to go even faster while flipping me the bird. Yes, it was my fault that she was out there nearly killing people.
If Appleton is ever facing a severe budget shortfall they can post officers at that intersection for a week and the city will be running a major surplus.
Second, Pretentious Coffee Orderers. Occasionally, I like to grab a couple of donuts before work at the local Dunkin Donuts shop. Excuse me, it’s just DNKN now–because it is obvious that selling donuts in those shops is of, at best, a tertiary concern. But most mornings getting an employee to come to the counter is a real test of patience. Why? Well, because every worker in the store is tied up creating custom-ordered coffee concoctions that usually take 15-steps to complete. I’ve basically given up on going through the drive thru because I can’t stand hearing the person picking up for the whole office reading off ingredients lists that would put all ultra-processed foods to shame. And then, the on-line order printer runs out of paper every 15-minutes because another “custom cup” was just entered on a smartphone somewhere.
Pretentious coffee ordering has become so bad that Starbucks–the genesis spot for the practice–is looking to dramatically cut back on its additive options. Their new CEO admits that customization is out of control and that it only results in fewer people being served in an hour and over-works employees. It should be easy to see if it pays off, as we’ll spot shorter lines there and cars backed up out to the street at all other coffee outlets.
Third, the NFL Network. In case you missed it a few weeks ago, the network started running advertisements on the NFL Red Zone Channel. For those addicted to the Sunday football blitz that was “classic” Red Zone, the allure was the fact that not only did you get to see every touchdown from every game–sometimes with as many as four games on the screen at one time–you never had to put up with ads for diabetes drugs or perfumes people only buy around the holidays, and promos for Young Sheldon.
Host Scott Hanson coined the phrase “Seven Hours of Commercial Free Football!”–which was put on t-shirts and sweatshirts you could order from NFL.com. But a couple of weeks ago, Hanson had to post a public apology on the Red Zone and his own social media channels for saying it that Sunday–when he knew the network would be airing its own commercials during the coverage. This leads me to believe that by next year, NFL Network will be offering a “premium version” of Red Zone that will be “commercial free” for a fee above what streaming and cable subscribers already pay to get the channel just 18-days a year.
Finally, TikTok Defenders. Barring a Hail Mary decision from the Supreme Court next month, the Chinese-owned social media platform will be shut down here in the US. Those who have turned the video service into a moneymaking operation are trying to save their bread and butter based on claims that shutting it down would violate their First Amendment Rights to free speech. What they really mean is that the government will just be taking down their free advertising platform. If the “Demure Guy” was catching heat from other users, he would be the first to demand that their content be taken down. That’s not very “free speachy” is it?
One thing that “content creators” are finding out the hard way is that while social media platforms initially provide you with a great way to build an audience with limited amount of effort, you do not own the platform itself. This leaves you vulnerable to the whims of a rouge owner like Elon Musk and Twitter, Mark Zuckerberg with Facebook and Instagram, or the Chinese Communist Party with TikTok. On the plus side, all of those soon-to-be unemployed “creators” will find plenty of jobs that fit their skill sets at places like Starbucks, Walmart, and their local strip club.
It is now time for the Festivus Feats of Strength. Remember, Festivus is not over until you pin me!!!
I do sincerely wish everyone a safe and merry Christmas. We will be back on Your News Now on Thursday.
